There are billions of people in this world, and each of them have their own story to tell. Each story is unique. Everyone wants to tell there story, because you see, everyone wants someone to understand them, but out of the billions of people that you can tell your story to, no one will truly ever understand you. If you pour your heart out, and tell them everything about you that you think would make them understand, still no one truly will understand you.

So I've given up. I've given up trying to get people to understand me by telling them my problems. You see, it just doesn't work that way. For someone to understand you they have to have lived your life. So because no one has lived my life, no one will truly understand. I know that deep down I will always want someone to understand me and my problems, but I know what it costs for me. Every word that comes out of my mouth hurts. And after I say it, it hurts even more. I don't wanna feel that pain and regret. So here I am, I'm putting my walls back up, stronger than ever before. I'm bottling everything up, and I know I won't explode. I'm not shutting everyone out, I'm merely shutting up. If you really really wanna break down my walls, then well, you have to prove to me that I can trust you. I need to see who's really willing to try to break down my walls, actually anyones walls.

You see, a while ago, I got so close to a few of my friends, but then..everything just came crashing down on us. I realized that I couldn't get close to anyone anymore. It ends up hurting way too much. I learned to stop trusting people, and start keeping things to myself, but then I thought I was free, to start trusting more and more people. But things backfired. So here I am..again, wishing that it wouldn't be so painful, wishing...truly wishing for someone who truly knows my heart. . .

Maybe someday...

We all have decisions in life we have to make

Listening to- Dirty Little Secret by The All American Rejects

Some harder than others. Some are as trivial as picking what shoes for the party, and some that will change your life. We all have to make a choice to make, and alot of times we don't wanna have to make it, we just wish that it would be taken care of. We all have a road to take, but 2 set before us. Which one to choose? In LOST this week Desmond met a woman who said that every person has a path to take. She is very correct but her meaning was very wrong.
God has set before me 2 roads (or if you prefer, doors), and I have to choose which I think will be best. This decision is extremely hard, one of the hardest decisions I have to make and possibly one of the hardest I'll ever have to make, for it will define me and my future. I don't want to make the choice but I know that I have to. It's up to me and me alone. God will take care of the rest. So I don't really wanna tell you what I have to decide because I know what people will say and I don't want that kind of influence.

I know what most would say, but I can't make that decision..at least not yet. People don't understand why I do what I do and love it so much and I can't make them understand. But I do which makes my decision extra hard. It's the one thing that I'm good at that I really have a passion for and that people support me in. So why would I give that up? Because maybe my path isn't to continue with it. But I'm still young..but my choice has to be made soon, or else someone will have to make it for me whether I like it or not.

Some other stuff that are goin on-
Last Tuesday I went shadowing at AACS. I shadowed Betsy Nolen. It was fine, it's just like being homeschooled, but there are a whole lot more people, more classes, and i have to move from class to class, wear stupid uniforms, and much more. Oh yeah, I'm also more prone to forgetting my lunch, which I did. I went to a Honor Chemistry Class. I'm only in 8th grade and I understood some of the stuff that some of those 10th and 11th graders didn't. Shocking isn't it?! Not really. I love science. Anyway, I guess it's just a normal day at at school. No..at least not what I've grown accustomed to in the past 3 years of being homeschooled. I can't explain it and right now I don't really want to, but it's different. Maybe it's just the enviroment, or maybe just my current circumstances.. I dunno. So yeah.

Listening to- Bowling Ball by Superchick
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have to much to give to live to waist your time on him






















You don't get it and you never will. Why not? Because you are you, and I am me. We are two totally different people and though you try to understand, you can't. You don't know what I do, and it'll take a while for you to learn it. For now, just let it go, and let it be.

its not that hard

TAKE THE POLL!!!!!

Thine awesomating ski trip where we snowboard

The trip was awesomating. But I hurt like heck. I can't really raise my arms. My knees have bruises, my back just hurts, I have a headache. It all all hurts. That would be courtesy of snow and ice, and my lack of snowboarding skills. So friday we drove for 5 or 6 hours then arrived at the camp place at around 10:30..I think. I'm not really sure. I wasn't paying attention. Then Saturday arrived and we got up went to breakfast, then we went and got ready for skiing/snowboarding. BTW we went with Broadneck EP. So we left for the skiing/snowboarding place around 11 am. we arrived around 12:30. We got our stuff (which was a wonderful learning experience for me). I am not goofy (if you don't get it, then don't ask). We had about 9 hours on the slopes forthose who didn't go in at all. I had to, for my stuff was soaking wet. So i went in around 7 pm and I took my top layer to the girls bathroom and stuck it under the blow dryer for your hands thing. I was doin that with most of my clothes for about 2 hours, and I got dinner during that time. Then around 9 (before my clothes were dry) I decided to take one more run down the bunny hill just to make sure I was alive. (random-right now I feel likeI'm upside down) I'm alive. How do I know? I went really fast...then I did a few jumps off a smallish large hill, and almost died. I fell at the end. Then I got back on the lift to go to the lodge. So we were at the lodge/slopes from 12:30 till 10:30 pm. We know how to pack a day completely full. Then today we packed, ate breakfast, then had worship and a message (for those who went to Victory Jam-the person who gave the message is also known as the Crocodile Hunter, Mr. Incredible and so many more names, but his real name is Steve. He just plays the role of the main character in the skits), then we loaded the van then we went to lunch. Then drove away. We went to Cracker barrel for Dinner. it was good. then MR. Cook Drove us all to our houses...yeah. So heres a number of things that that I learned this weekend-

1. Always pack water proof things for days with snow.
2. There are always prices to being flexible...unfortunately.
3. Succotash is a bunch of mixed veggies
4. Falling is fun
5. Falling is painful
6. I can lose 40 odd dollars that are on my person..oddly enough
7. John Cavalaro is bad at making deals
8. If you are a small group, you're cabin could very well be co-ed.
9. I can drink 3 glasses of Mello Yello before dinner comes
10. I don't sleep well(if at all) in a van full of 10 people even if they are all sleeping.
11. I'm really good at meeting new people.
12. Aly is a very impatient person
13. Deer are on the roof..along with horses.
14. Out of 10 people, no one can figure out how to turn off a gas stove.
15. But we can figure out how to turn the temperature up or down.
16. On ski/snowboard slopes there is almost always a "frostbite warning."
17. I don't like talking. Shocker ain't it?
18. Lauren is crazy about Jello..in a very inhuman way.
19. Allen has around 500 text messages a month to use.
20 Unfortunately he uses them on people who have to pay for them.
21. Mike Cave will sleep pretty much anywhere.
22. But is very alert to smells during his sleep.
23. I'm only ok at snowboarding
24. So says my bruises.
25. Even expert snowboarders (aka Brian) get sore after a day of snowboarding.
26. Apparently the British need Orbit (C) gum.
27. Erin is forgetful
28. People can't tell when you smile with a face mask on.
29. And they think you're really weird when you wave at them.
30. McDonalds likes the word "flippen."
31. Snowboarding with a bunch of friends is fun.. but largely painful as we have previously established.


yeah that was alot to read, and I still have more. So if there's stuff you wanna know, just ask, and if you have a private question just comment and write don't post at the end of it and i won't post it, then I'll find a way to contact you. yeah..

I know I stole this from Julia but I had to do it just to see who can get the most right. go ahead. Take the quiz.






Create your own Friend Quiz here


Why are you still here? TAKE THE FLIPPEN QUIZ ALREADY!

A ski trip where we snowboard

So tomorrow we (we bein the cooks, Brian, Justin, mike W, I, Mike C, Allen and mr. Cook) are all meeting at Broadneck EP and we're taking a large bus to Pennsylvania to lovely resort with the Broadneck ppl and goin Snowboardin!!!!! So I'll be gone from Friday at 3 till Sunday at I have no idear what time. I wish y'all could all come with us, but it's expensive. So I hope y'all have fun without us.. sorry



Thank you for those time we shared. thanks for your honesty. Thanks for being the person to comfort me in my times of sadness. Thanks for being the one I can just talk to about random stuff. Thanks for being the person to brighten my day. Thanks for doing my hair when it looked horrible. Thanks for letting me talk to you for hours on end about life. Thanks for so much.


I can pretty much guarantee that at least one of those "thanks" can apply to everyone of my friends who read my blog. And I truly mean it.






Btw, THIS IS MY !)) POST!!!!!!
------decode that^



Life is better with eyes closed.

Valentines

So today around...evening, my dad came home with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of roses. The roses were for my mom, and the Chocolates are for me! yeah me!

So yeah... I hate valentines day, but that was nice.

So for dinner, Lauren, Erin, Brian, my bros, and I all went to Panera Bread. it was good. then we came back to the Cooks house and this is where I am at the moment while posting. yeah...

sooo...

BUTTONS!!!!!!


no not really!

terribly sorry, I'm trying to get my mind off of...things....

Listening to- Forward MOtion by Relient K

Yes!!! CASSIE IS OK!!
(thispostwillconsistofabunchoflittleparagraphsorsentencesthatmakeupmyrandomthoughs.haveaniceday.)



Theater- email me! ifyou have no idea what me email is just go to my profile and look at the far left corner. yeah, and if other people do this whom I don't know then I'm just gonna read your email and delete it unless you have a very important question for me....yeah..


So the other day I talked on aim with Katrina...the hurricane. NO NOT REALLY! it's Josh's girlfriend. So i asked her a total of 26 very random questions. Some of them went like this-
What is your favorite number
what is your favorite letter
what is your favorite name
what is your favorite rodent
favorite author
favorite book
favorite season
favorite word
yeah...I had more to ask but I had to go. maybe another time...hehehe

Sooo...who's goin to the baby sitting thing on Saturday which is also FLOCK band practice and drama. BTW! those who are in drama- PRACTICE YOUR LINES BEFORE!!!!!!! you want to surprise my mom with them memorized or atleast some of them memorized...believe me.

tell your siblings "hi" for me! thanks


So today a bunch of the keys on my comp keyboard hasn't been workin. the "b" the "c" and the "v." at the moment it's the "b." I have to press it a million times to get it to do somthing. my comp is weird

Listening to- Shine On by Jet


well I hope you liked the rantings of...me


Over and out.

ow.

Listening to- Put your money where your mouth is by Jet ( and you can't understand a single word they're saying. but that's ok. )


Yes it hurts but I can put up with it. what is "it?" I know you have no idea, and I like confuzing peoples. "It" is the pain in my toe..s. I don't know how but the weekend of my tournament, my toes started hurting...really really badly. I think it had something to do with my shoes which are high heels. No they're not the highest I've ever worn but they are extremely uncomfortable, and it really doesn't help that one of my heels broke... yeah. Anyway-


So today I did a very minimal amount of...stuff. Around 3:15 Cassie's mom picked me up and took Cassie and I to Arundel Mills Mall. We kinda just wandered the mall, talked about her exes and she saw 2 friends from school, and all that. We got food, went to Icing, Hot Topic, and Johnny Rockets (restaurant), then to see The Pursuit of Happyness. I know it's spelled Happiness, but that's how it's spelled in the movie. Don't ask me. It was good, sad and other stuff, but good. I would recommend it, unless you get depressed really easily. yeah.. then I came home, grabbed some chicken fingers and
went and watched TV. Now i'm here.
Now what??

For those who don't know, which I don't think is any of y'all, but I'm Going to REGIONALS!!!!!! I placed 7th in my event, and I got a certificate, which I am very ticked about cause they spelled my name wrong! this is how it's spelled on the certificate- Rebecca. This is how it's supposed to be spelled- Rebekah. Simple enough right? Maybe not... btw, this is all speech stuff.


So today I looked in the mirror, and for that second I saw myself, I looked back at my entire life and how I've changed, and not just me, my friends as well. I asked myself- Is this really who I am? Well I don't know yet, but I'm sure to find out eventually. But I noticed people are asking me and others to find out who we are now. I can't tell anyone that yet. I don't know who I am, and because I'm still changing, you can't say that we're so different. Maybe I'm your bestfriend just disguised at the moment. Who knows? I'm still changing, give me that time. I don't wanna grow up too fast.

Listening to - Shine On by Jet

As many things as I can think of I learned this weekend and Thursday.

Listening to right now- There now, I've said it by Further Seems forever


1. You can never trust the weathermen . oh wait! I already knew that..
2. There is such a thing as ultimate bliss.
3. Coffee and I don't mix that well...
4. If no one interesting is preforming for speech or debate, you will fall asleep.
5. you should always try to remember what you're saying and why, especially during a tournament.
6. Girls- the weirdest ppl will say things about you, or think the weirdest things about you.
7. Especially guys. I'd know.
8. The people that you will miss the most are the people that you never really got to know all the way.
9. it's either the older girls or the really young girls that are always trying to set people up together.
10. Toothpaste will remove any koolaid mustaches from your upper lip. weird-yes.
11. Writing speeches the day you have to give them is not a good idea.
12. Stockings are evil!
13. If you're constantly busy, you will never miss the people that mean the most to you.
14. Even if you don't believe it there are people that think you are beautiful and will do anything to convince you of it.
15. As much as people would like to think, they probably don't have you aaalll figured out like they claim to..
16. There will always be a different side to everyone around different people, places and times.
17. Maybe dreams can come true after all.





Everywhere you go, theres gonna be 2 sides to every story. Just like the play Wicked, everyone has another side to their story. We're only human right? So we're not perfect. I noticed in a big way that I act differently, a lot around different groups of people. So theres this group of guys that I hang out with at speech and we get along pretty well. I act so differently around them then how I'd act around the guys at church. Because I know y'all are gonna kill me later, I'm gonna explain this now- We're just friends. Yes it's true they can't shake the fact that I look and act like I'm 16 around them, but nothing is goin on. Plus, they're like all 17. That would be a bit weird. Just friends. We're not even good friends.. just...friends. too much? But I act differently, we all do in different social groups. I know I'm not the only one.


Over and out.


Listening to- Bruised by Jacks Mannequin

I"m dead. (notice I did a quote instead of an apostrophe)

Listening to- The Everglow by Mae

So I'm not really dead (obviously), but I feel like dropping dead, I'm so wiped. It's amazing what a day of speech tournament will do to you, not to mention going to bed at 12:30 and waking up at 6:48. So today I'm not really sure if it was an apple or a lemon day. It had its ups and downs, so I guess I could safely say it's an apple day. 15 things I learned today (and might explain the apple day)-

1. It's not recommended that you stand of the very edge of the heel of your shoe.

2. high Heels break and can be terribly uncomfortable.

3. Compromise is a good thing.

4. Goin first in the room is only good cause you get it over with first. Thats the only reason.

5. You can meet the nicest ppl at these events. And you'll see them everytime there's a tournament.

6. which is every 2 weeks about.

7. Wendy's is very filling...especially if you just had 2 cups of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate.

8. Caffine is a good thing...to a certain extent...

9. It's a very bad idea falling asleep in your own speech, actually, anyone's speech (who knows what might happen. no we're not gonna have a repeat of 2006 Fall retreat on Sunday).

10. Never ever ever let me have 2 cups of coffee, and chocolate following again. NoNo, I know you figured that one out already. hehehe

11. I do not look good in pigtails

12. I am constantly fixing my hair.

13. I do not like people I know whatching my speeches. At all. I won't let my dad watch them. See?

14. There are just somethings that snow and ice cannot keep you from having. Like Speech and Debate tournaments.

15. We all have dreams that we will have to let go of someday.

fun times, fun times. it's a great learning experience for ppls of aaaaalllll ages. So I really really need to work on my speeches for tomorrow and upcoming tournaments. I'm gonna be gone alot...great. Well I need to finish up with thine speeches and go to bed. bye


Listening to- The Mixed Tape by Jacks Mannequin